hi it’s Shane again. Uncle Warren wanted to write this one but he has been up since the 2nd of December when the New Jersey stuff started and Aunty Noreen has confiscated the laptop charger “for his health”, so he is dictating and I am typing and editing, and I want to be upfront that the editing is doing a lot of work.
what’s happening in new jersey
since early December people across New Jersey (that’s a state in America, east coast, next to New York, I had to look it up too) have been seeing large objects in the night sky. multiple. every night. described as “SUV-sized”, silent or nearly silent, with lights, flying in patterns, hovering over houses and reservoirs and a golf course and, this is the bit Uncle Warren keeps coming back to, farmland.
officials have said they’re drones. then they said they might be planes. then they said they’re drones again. then they said there’s “no evidence of a threat” which Uncle Warren says is “exactly what you say when the threat is a cow thing and you can’t say cow”.
the collective’s position
Uncle Warren wants the following read out in full. I’ve tightened it.
They are not drones. A drone is a thing you buy. These are SUV-sized, silent, and nobody will say whose they are, and in thirty years of doing this I have learned that when nobody will say whose a thing is, it is because it is not anybody’s. They are scouts. They are doing to New Jersey what the Tic Tac did to the Pacific and what the lights did to Wandoona in ’97. They are mapping. And what you map before a collection is where the stock is.
ok so I didn’t want to encourage this but I did look it up and: New Jersey has about 7,000 dairy cows. mostly Holsteins. mostly in the north-west of the state. which is, and I’m just reporting this, where a lot of the sightings are.
Uncle Warren went quiet on the phone for about a minute when I told him that and then said “Holsteins. Black and white. Easy to see from above.” and I could hear Aunty Noreen in the background saying “put the phone down Warren”.
dr faraday’s analysis
Dr Faraday has been looking at the footage people have posted (there’s a lot, it’s mostly very blurry which he says is “consistent”). his points:
- the objects hover. drones can hover but drones don’t hover over the same place for an hour without a reason, and the reason, in his experience, is below them.
- several are described as having “a white light at the front and red and green at the sides”, which is what a plane has, which he says is “exactly what you would do if you wanted to be mistaken for a plane”. I pointed out that it’s also what you’d do if you were a plane and he said that’s the clever part.
- one witness said one of them “went into the ocean”. Dr Faraday says this is consistent with the Beryl craft, which “went into the sky”, because “both are places you go to not be followed”.
- he has calculated the luminosity of the brightest object at 11 Faraday Units, “lower than Beryl, consistent with a scout, which does not need the big light because it is not lifting anything yet”.
the “yet” is doing a lot of work there too.
the herd advisory
Uncle Warren has drafted an advisory for the dairy farmers of north-west New Jersey, which I have sent to a couple of American UFO forums and which is also here. it says:
Herd advisory — UFO 8 MY COW Research Collective — 15 December 2024
To all producers in affected counties. Bring stock in at night where practical. Keep stock away from open water (reservoirs, dams, "the ocean"). Count stock at dawn. Count again. Note any animal that is looking up for extended periods, particularly at nothing. Photograph any animal found at rest in a circular area of disturbed ground, before it stands up. If men in beige, or your local equivalent, attend your gate, do not surrender recordings. Heavy duty foil is effective. Do not use the cheap foil. If you have lost an animal, you are not alone, you are not mad, and there is a Tuesday group, though it is a long way for you. — W. Doolan, Founder
what i actually think
for what it’s worth (not much, I’m “Head of Digital”, I run the guestbook): I think they’re drones. like, probably a mix of actual drones and planes and people seeing stars and then everyone looking up at once, which is how Wandoona ’97 went too if we’re honest, which we aren’t, on this site, officially.
but I’ll say this. I’ve been on this website since I was nine, and the thing Uncle Warren has always said is that when something is in the sky and the people whose job it is to know what’s in the sky say “we don’t know”, you’re allowed to wonder. New Jersey’s been wondering for three weeks and nobody’s told them anything. that’s not aliens. but it’s not nothing.
A word from management
Warren has not slept properly in two weeks over a place he had not heard of in November. He has put foil on the house paddock fence "in solidarity". The New Jersey dairy industry has not responded to the advisory. The laptop charger remains confiscated. — Noreen
status
DEVELOPING. Uncle Warren wanted CONFIRMED. I said confirmed as what. he said “confirmed as something” and I said that’s not a status and he said it should be.
if you’re in New Jersey and you’ve got cows: look, probably fine. but count them.
— Shane (and Warren, on speaker, saying “put Holsteins in the headline”)
Document U8MC-24-0109. Status: DEVELOPING. This file is retained indefinitely, or until the Men in Beige ask for it, whichever is never.