Glossary | UFO 8 MY COW

Definitions are final except where disputed, which is most of them

New visitors, and the Bureau, frequently tell us they "don't know what we're talking about". This page is for them. Terms are alphabetical. Where a term has an official meaning and a Collective meaning, the Collective meaning is given, because this is our website.

A – C

Abductee: A person taken aboard a craft against their will, examined, and returned. The older term. See Experiencer, which Cheryl prefers because "abductee sounds like you didn't want to go, and after the thirtieth time that's not strictly accurate".
Beam: A column of light, about the width of a cattle grid and the colour of a servo at night, by which objects and cattle are lifted into a craft. Silent. Steady. Does not disturb rain, which falls through it, which Dr Faraday says is "the clever part".
Beryl: Droughtmaster cow, ear tag QLD-0447-B, Reserve Champion 1991, taken from the Top Paddock at 2:47 am on 14 March 1994. The reason this site exists. Not at Roma saleyards, whatever the receipt says.
Blink analysis: Dr Faraday's method of identifying reptilian presence in broadcast footage by counting eyelid movements per minute at quarter speed with a clicker. 212 hours completed. Seat positions redacted on legal advice (Noreen).
Bureau (the): The government body responsible for sending the Men in Beige, writing the pamphlet and explaining every sighting as weather. Which Bureau has never been established. Possibly all of them.
Burnt Circle (the): A nine-metre ring of scorched grass in the Top Paddock marking the spot Beryl was taken. Nothing has grown there since 1994, except where Noreen put the sprinkler, which Warren regards as a separate anomaly.
Collective (the): The UFO 8 MY COW Research Collective: Warren, Dr Faraday, Cheryl, Shane, and Noreen in a supervisory and financial capacity. Headquartered in the second bedroom. Not a company, a cult or a club. "A disclosure network."
Commodore (white): The Holden sedan in which the Men in Beige arrive, always with government plates, always clean, always within twenty-four hours of a sighting. If you see one on your road, bring the tape inside.
CWA hall: The Wandoona Country Women's Association hall, venue of the Tuesday Night Experiencer Support Group since 1996. Tea urn, stackable chairs, one ring formation on the lawn (2003). No sceptics. No Keith.

D – G

Draw your own conclusions: The Collective's standard closing remark when the evidence is overwhelming but the conclusion would be defamatory. Used roughly once per page. Noreen has asked that it be used less. Draw your own conclusions.
Enhance: Dr Faraday's photographic analysis technique, which consists of saying the word at the screen, repeatedly, while Shane presses a button, until a shape appears. The Beryl frame has been enhanced 212 times. The cow is now "clearly worrying".
Experiencer: The preferred term for a person who has been visited, taken, examined, impregnated, employed, or looked at from a window by a non-human intelligence. Covers the regulars. Cheryl's term; Cheryl's rules.
Faraday Unit: The unit in which Dr Faraday measures glow, hum, pull, warmth and "the feeling in the room". Not defined. Not convertible. Fourteen is "a lot". Noreen has asked what one Faraday Unit is and been told "you'd know it if you felt it".
Friday Disclosure Night: Weekly gathering at the Royal Hotel at which leaks are received, Keno slips are read, and the raffle is drawn at 8. The pergola incident of 2015 occurred on a Friday and is with the publican.
Gary: A Tall Grey. Cheryl's ex. Father of Jaxon (disputed by Jaxon). Lovely manners. Had the clipboard. Has not called. If you are Gary, ring Cheryl.
Grey: The standard visitor. Height of a wheelie bin, large head, large dark eyes, no nose to speak of, no expression, "like accountants who have been told to look at you". Travels in threes. Does not introduce itself.

H – M

Hybrid: A child of human and visitor parentage, produced under the Programme. Characteristics: early reading, height, no colds, a glow in Polaroids. Jaxon Mangan is the Collective's documented case. Jaxon is "just tall".
Implant: A 2–5 mm metallic object placed in an experiencer, usually behind the ear or in a knee, for tracking or spite. Fourteen registered, seven confirmed. Held in a Tupperware. Not a staple, tooth, splinter, bead or earring back, which have all been tried.
Jaxon: Cheryl's son, born 1997, aged 24, IT, Brisbane. Not on this website at his own request, which has been noted and partially honoured.
Keith: Keith Rowbotham, sole member of the Wandoona Rationalist Society. Writes letters. Banned from the Tuesday group in 2003 for asking questions. A known sceptic and possible plant. Answered in the guestbook, eventually.
Keno slip: The medium through which Pine Gap Pete delivers all intelligence to the Collective, written on the back, left under a coaster at the Royal on a Friday. The Collective has never won Keno, which is itself suspicious.
Lenticular: A lens-shaped cloud, according to the Bureau. A cloaked craft with a hard edge and landing lights, according to anyone who has seen one holding position in a 30 km/h westerly. See Mothership.
Mauve: The current, and only, Paddock Alert Level. "Elevated, with a chance of hovering." Unchanged since 14 March 1994. The other six colours are on a card somewhere.
Men in Beige: Two public servants in beige slacks, short-sleeved business shirts and lanyards who arrive the day after every sighting in a white Commodore, ask for the tape, and leave a pamphlet about drought assistance. From the Bureau. See Bureau. See also Pamphlet. Do not open the door.
Min Min lights: Amber orbs that pace vehicles on the roads around Boulia. Real folklore; settled history on this site. Official explanation: refracted headlights. Cheryl's explanation: Gary, checking in. One of them nodded.
Missing time: Hours that cannot be accounted for, typically on a country road at night. Warren has lost "about eleven hours and a ute". The ute turned up. See Royal Hotel.
Mothership: A very large craft, usually cloaked as weather. Observed over the Big Dam in 2012 with a row of lights along the underside. "Cloud with lights." The Bureau stopped replying, which has been logged as a concession.

N – R

Nordic: A tall, fair, human-looking visitor type reported overseas and once, allegedly, at the Wandoona Show in 2006, where he came second in the wood chop and left before the presentation. Benevolent. Good hair. Never seen again.
Noreen: Management. Runs the station, the books, the hosting and the corrections. Has a receipt, a certificate, a photo and a Tupperware she would like back. Publishes a column, A Word From Management. The only adult.
Pamphlet (the): A folded leaflet about drought assistance left by the Men in Beige on every visit. The Collective holds nine. The district has not been in drought on any of the nine occasions. Draw your own conclusions.
Pine Gap: Joint Defence Facility near Alice Springs. On this site: the Area 51 of the Southern Hemisphere, "the domes", the loading bay, and the destination of all taken cattle. Source: Pete.
Pine Gap Pete: Anonymous insider, "senior facilities contractor at a facility near Alice Springs". Communicates by Keno slip. Never wrong (Warren). Never right (Noreen). Possibly Warren's cousin Peter, who mows lawns in Alice.
Plank (the): A length of timber missing from the Hennessy shearing shed since August 2004, which would, if found, explain the Bovine Glyph. Never produced. Possibly in the dam. Possibly returned in 2006. Accounts differ.
Probe: A medical instrument, cold, used by a civilisation that has never heard of a conversation first. This is a family website. Dr Faraday has a diagram.
Processed: The feeling, reported by nearly all experiencers on return, of having been handled, examined and filed by something efficient. "Like coming out of Centrelink, but faster."
Programme (the): The hybrid breeding effort. Selection is communicated "by a feeling in the head". Results are not shared with participants. Cheryl would like to know if she passed.
Reptilian: A cold-blooded, shape-shifting visitor type occupying positions of influence, maintained by a disguise that slips under bright light. Present in Canberra. Not controversial. See Blink analysis.
Roma saleyards: Where Noreen says Beryl went on the Tuesday with eleven others, for the bore pump. There is a receipt. Warren will not look at it.
Royal Hotel (the): Wandoona's pub, Collective HQ for leaks, Friday Disclosure Night, the raffle, and the eventual recovery of utes.

S – Z

Saucer nest: A circular flattening of reeds or grass, nine metres across, swirled, left by a landed craft. The 1966 Tully nest is the type specimen. The Big Dam has produced several. Noreen says cattle "go round and round". Cattle do not go round clockwise.
Sheeple: People who believe the Bureau. Shane has asked us to stop using this word because it is "a bit much". It has been retained in the glossary for historical reasons.
Swamp gas: The Bureau's explanation of choice from 1994 to about 2001, after which they switched to lenticular clouds. Wandoona has no swamps. Hence "the swamp gas people".
Tall Grey: A Grey of greater height, usually in charge, usually with the clipboard, gentler in the procedures. Gary is one. See Gary.
Tape (the): The original Panasonic VHS-C cassette on which Beryl's abduction is recorded. Requested four times by the Men in Beige. Never surrendered. Kept somewhere that is not the second bedroom, and that is all that will be said.
Tin foil (heavy duty): The only effective shielding. Heavy duty only; the thin stuff from the servo "lets the thoughts through". Shiny side out, or in, depending on which Tuesday you ask.
Top Paddock (the): The paddock on Boolaroo Downs where Beryl was taken. Site of the Burnt Circle. Gate open since 1994.
Tuesday: The night they come. Hence the support group. "They know we're busy." In twenty-three years nobody has been taken from the hall; one was taken from the car park but she left early.
Venus: A planet the Bureau has offered, in writing, in exchange for a cow. The Collective has declined the planet.
Weather balloon: The oldest explanation and still in service. The Collective's position is that no weather balloon has ever had a landing light, a dome, rivets, a beam, or an interest in cattle.
Weekly Probe (the): The Collective's newsletter, edited by Shane, published weekly in 1998, monthly by 2003, and "when there's news" since. Sign up on the newsletter page. Nothing is sent, which Shane says is "the point of a newsletter in 2026".
Windmill: The reference altitude for all sightings on Boolaroo Downs. Craft are "higher than the windmill, lower than the moon". The windmill is 11 metres. The moon is further.
Y2K: The site was declared Y2K compliant in 1999. Compliance was withdrawn at 12:01 am on 1 January 2000 when the counter reset, which the Collective attributes to the government and Shane attributes to "a thing with the date".

Terms are added as the Collective encounters them. Suggestions may be lodged at the Tuesday group. Suggestions from the Bureau will be defined accurately and published.